1. Throw out nonessential numbers.
This includes age, weight and height.
Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them.'
2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever.
Never let the brain idle.
'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.'
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath
.6. The tears happen.
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.
Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love ,
whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county;
to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them , at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. Share this with someone.
We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
George Carlin's Views on Aging
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about ageing that you think in fractions.
'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing;! you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!'
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing;! you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!'
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
Little Helen
Once upon a time there was a young girl named Helen who
bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
When the farmer drove up the next day, he said, 'Sorry miss, I have some bad news.
The donkey is on my truck, but I'm afraid he's dead.'
Helen replied,' Well then, just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'I can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Helen said, 'OK then, just unload the donkey anyway.'
The farmer asked, 'What are ya gonna do with him?'
Helen said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer exclaimed, 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
But Helen, with a big smile on her face, said
'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody that he's dead.'
A month later the farmer met up with Helen and asked,
'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Helen said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece
and made a profit of $798.00.' Totally amazed, the farmer asked,
'Didn't anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you
lied about the donkey being dead?'
Helen replied, 'The only guy who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner, when he came to claim his prize. So I gave him his $2 back plus $200 extra,
which is double the going value of a donkey, so he thought I was a really great girl.'
Helen grew up and eventually became the Prime Minister of New Zealand,
and no matter how many times she lied or how much money she took from Kiwi voters,
as long as she gave them back some of their money,
most of them thought she was a great person
This is not supposed to be offencive, and I'm sorry if you are offended,
but I thought it was quite funny.
bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
When the farmer drove up the next day, he said, 'Sorry miss, I have some bad news.
The donkey is on my truck, but I'm afraid he's dead.'
Helen replied,' Well then, just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'I can't do that. I went and spent it already.'
Helen said, 'OK then, just unload the donkey anyway.'
The farmer asked, 'What are ya gonna do with him?'
Helen said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer exclaimed, 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'
But Helen, with a big smile on her face, said
'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody that he's dead.'
A month later the farmer met up with Helen and asked,
'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Helen said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece
and made a profit of $798.00.' Totally amazed, the farmer asked,
'Didn't anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you
lied about the donkey being dead?'
Helen replied, 'The only guy who found out about the donkey being dead was the raffle winner, when he came to claim his prize. So I gave him his $2 back plus $200 extra,
which is double the going value of a donkey, so he thought I was a really great girl.'
Helen grew up and eventually became the Prime Minister of New Zealand,
and no matter how many times she lied or how much money she took from Kiwi voters,
as long as she gave them back some of their money,
most of them thought she was a great person
This is not supposed to be offencive, and I'm sorry if you are offended,
but I thought it was quite funny.
History of the Middle Finger
The History of the Middle Finger Well, now......here's something I never knew before,
and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends
in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it? Before the Battle of Agincourt (pronounced "a zhin kuhr") in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossib le to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew'). Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.' And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing.
and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends
in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it? Before the Battle of Agincourt (pronounced "a zhin kuhr") in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossib le to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as 'plucking the yew' (or 'pluck yew'). Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, See, we can still pluck yew! Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental fricative F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute! It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as 'giving the bird.' And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing.
Wonders of Men
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM ' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why
his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said,
'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied , ' in-laws'
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.'No,' she replied,
' but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.'
' The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.'
The husband said, ' You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ..........'HEBREWS'
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM ' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why
his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said,
'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied , ' in-laws'
WOMEN'S REVENGE
'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.'No,' she replied,
' but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.'
' The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.'
The husband said, ' You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ..........'HEBREWS'
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Dad
Happy, Bubbly, Funny and a total chatterbox!
At first sight you rush straight into a soft, warm bear hug.
Strong arms holding you tight, a smile on his weathered face, new stubble on his chin and cheeks.
His voice so cheerful, comforting and familiar.With a kiss on my forehead, you slowly and reluctantly pull away.
Tall, strong and imposing are a few of his features. Though not so imposing that he is unaproachable. Callused hands, scarred limbs and tools everywhere.
He is a Builder, he works with metals, wood,and every other buliding, plumbing, electrical piece of equipment you can think of.
So many scars from working on so many different progects, I guess like father like daughter.
He is the life of the family, he easily makes the most dreary person laugh at the most stupidest of things.
Yes, he is my dad.
Alec, though frustrating, he is my dad and I love him.
At first sight you rush straight into a soft, warm bear hug.
Strong arms holding you tight, a smile on his weathered face, new stubble on his chin and cheeks.
His voice so cheerful, comforting and familiar.With a kiss on my forehead, you slowly and reluctantly pull away.
Tall, strong and imposing are a few of his features. Though not so imposing that he is unaproachable. Callused hands, scarred limbs and tools everywhere.
He is a Builder, he works with metals, wood,and every other buliding, plumbing, electrical piece of equipment you can think of.
So many scars from working on so many different progects, I guess like father like daughter.
He is the life of the family, he easily makes the most dreary person laugh at the most stupidest of things.
Yes, he is my dad.
Alec, though frustrating, he is my dad and I love him.
Crying
Crying is natural.
It is one of those things you can't help.
But sometimes, when everything seems to be going wrong,
and everything is so hard, and you just want to go curl up in a corner and cry.
But when these things happen and you can't cry, its harder to express yourself.
The other emotion you can turn to is always anger, but then there is a risk of turning it onto the person closest to you and having so many regrets after you have calmed down.
A good way to cry if you can't is to sit in a dark room, with a box of tissues and all the saddest movies you could find. And hope that one of them can set you off, so you can release what was being held in, some things are good to get off your chest.
Like taking a walk down to the beach in stormy weather, and just scream and cry and whatever comes, just flow with it and roll with the punches. But the other times, you just have to hold it in, and grin and bare it. Don't lash out or do anything rash, just keep your cool.
If that doesn't work, then walk away from the person trying to provoke you and calmly count to ten, breathing deeply. Then concentrate on something you enjoy, and be happy. Even if its only for a short while. Relax and Live life to the full.
It is one of those things you can't help.
But sometimes, when everything seems to be going wrong,
and everything is so hard, and you just want to go curl up in a corner and cry.
But when these things happen and you can't cry, its harder to express yourself.
The other emotion you can turn to is always anger, but then there is a risk of turning it onto the person closest to you and having so many regrets after you have calmed down.
A good way to cry if you can't is to sit in a dark room, with a box of tissues and all the saddest movies you could find. And hope that one of them can set you off, so you can release what was being held in, some things are good to get off your chest.
Like taking a walk down to the beach in stormy weather, and just scream and cry and whatever comes, just flow with it and roll with the punches. But the other times, you just have to hold it in, and grin and bare it. Don't lash out or do anything rash, just keep your cool.
If that doesn't work, then walk away from the person trying to provoke you and calmly count to ten, breathing deeply. Then concentrate on something you enjoy, and be happy. Even if its only for a short while. Relax and Live life to the full.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Why Women Cry
Why Women CryA little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?"
"Because I'm a woman," she told him.
"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said,
"And you never will." Later the little boy asked his father,
"Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.
The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry..
Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked,
"God, why do women cry so easily?"
God said "When I made the woman she had to be special.
I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,
yet gentle enough to give comfort.
I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth
and the rejection that many times comes from her children.
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up,
and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances,
even when her child has hurt her very badly.
I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults
and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife,
but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.
And finally, I gave her a tear to shed.
This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."
"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears,
the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart -
the place where love resides."
**Perhaps now you will understand why women cry.**
Tickle Me Elmo
Tickle Me Elmo:
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her
first day promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up,
putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself,
so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there are
Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.
She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.
"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,
"but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."
"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."
The Gates of Heaven
A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven.While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates.
She saw a beautiful banquet table.
Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved
and who had died before her.
They saw her and began calling greetings to her
"Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him,
"This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" the woman asked.
"Love."
The woman correctly spelled "Love" And Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman
And asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.
"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?"
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her.
"I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill.
And then I won the multi-state lottery.
I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion.
And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which word?" her husband asked.
" Czechoslovakia ."
Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry...
There will be Hell to pay later!
There will be Hell to pay later!
New Wong
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents. 'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him...
Are you ready for this?
Sum Ting Wong
One to Balance the Books
The very first ever Blonde GUY joke.....
And well worth the wait!
An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.'
The Mexican! opened his lunch box and exclaimed,
'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'
The blond opened his lunch and said,
'Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.'
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!'
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.
The blonde's wife said, 'Don't look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch.'
And well worth the wait!
An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.'
The Mexican! opened his lunch box and exclaimed,
'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'
The blond opened his lunch and said,
'Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.'
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!'
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.
The blonde's wife said, 'Don't look at me. The idiot makes his own lunch.'
How Smart is Your Right Foot?
How smart is Your Right Foot?
Just try this. It is from an orthopaedic surgeon............
This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over
again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. It's
pre-programmed in your brain!
1. While sitting where you are at your desk in front of your
computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise
circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right Hand.
Your foot will change direction.
I told you so!!! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I
both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going
to try it again, if you've not already done so.
(I can actually do this! Feel Proud!!)
Just try this. It is from an orthopaedic surgeon............
This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over
again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. It's
pre-programmed in your brain!
1. While sitting where you are at your desk in front of your
computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise
circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right Hand.
Your foot will change direction.
I told you so!!! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I
both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going
to try it again, if you've not already done so.
(I can actually do this! Feel Proud!!)
A Fairy Tale
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree o her price first .The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding. The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him.
The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half. Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night? Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now....what is the moral to this story?
Scroll down
The moral is.....
If you don't let a woman have her own way.... Things are going to get ugly
The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree o her price first .The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding. The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him.
The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half. Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night? Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now....what is the moral to this story?
Scroll down
The moral is.....
If you don't let a woman have her own way.... Things are going to get ugly
Some Brain Stuff From Cambridge University
O lny srmat poelpe can ra ed this. I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a word are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is that the first and last ltteer be in the rgh it pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?! Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed th is psas it on !!
ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST
Count every ' F ' in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
(SEE BELOW)
HOW MANY ?
WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke. READ IT AGAIN !
The reasoning behind is further down. The brain cannot process 'OF'.
Incredible or what? Go back and look again!! Anyone who counts all 6 'F's' on the first go is a genius.
ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST
Count every ' F ' in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
(SEE BELOW)
HOW MANY ?
WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke. READ IT AGAIN !
The reasoning behind is further down. The brain cannot process 'OF'.
Incredible or what? Go back and look again!! Anyone who counts all 6 'F's' on the first go is a genius.
Subjects
You know how in year eight we were given an options paper. We were all so excited about all the choices and which ones we were going to choose, our interests and everything else.
Year nine, things were getting a bit more srious about the subjects we were picking, already have found out some are really out of your comfort range and there are some that can bore you to sleep (trust me on that one, I have been very close many times).
But in year ten you have to decide what subjects you are going to do for NCEA, which is actually a very stressful choice, because you need to already know all of this certain stuff from the years before, like if you started in a German class in year nine and decide in year eleven that you are going to take french because you are now bored of German, it doesn't work that way.
But with subjects that are enjoyable like Music, Art and Drama (for me anyway(well mostly)) how are they going to help you going into a career, whether it be medicine, biology or politcs, what was the point, you were just wasting your time.
It is quite aggrivating when a teacher tells you that you are great at something, and you feel all happy and like you really are that great,then later you're like, 'oh', you have to be REALLY good to actually make a career out of anything like that and they aren't as stable a job as going into retail or banking, which you basically can't screw up. Its just difficult.
Year nine, things were getting a bit more srious about the subjects we were picking, already have found out some are really out of your comfort range and there are some that can bore you to sleep (trust me on that one, I have been very close many times).
But in year ten you have to decide what subjects you are going to do for NCEA, which is actually a very stressful choice, because you need to already know all of this certain stuff from the years before, like if you started in a German class in year nine and decide in year eleven that you are going to take french because you are now bored of German, it doesn't work that way.
But with subjects that are enjoyable like Music, Art and Drama (for me anyway(well mostly)) how are they going to help you going into a career, whether it be medicine, biology or politcs, what was the point, you were just wasting your time.
It is quite aggrivating when a teacher tells you that you are great at something, and you feel all happy and like you really are that great,then later you're like, 'oh', you have to be REALLY good to actually make a career out of anything like that and they aren't as stable a job as going into retail or banking, which you basically can't screw up. Its just difficult.
Bright
Sitting, curled up on a window seat, large blue mink blanket snuggled up underneath her chin.
A girl no older than seven, an expression of amazement and terror cover her delicate features.
Looking out into the dark sky, watching and waiting, for the next show. Barely breathing, scared that if she did fog would block her view. A cloud rumble came from above her head, taking her out of her little trance and making her jump, losing the grip on her teddy and sending it tumbling onto the floor, slowly, barely moving the curtain that hid her from the lounge where her parents had just returned to. She pulled it back onto her lap and held it tight scared that they had seen her, she was supposed to be in bed a while ago and didn't think they would be to happy to find her here.
There a bright flash caught her eye, spinning her head around she saw a huge bolt of lightening, strike the centre of the bay, resting in front of the house. The lightening lit up the entire sky with its brilliance, amazing her, three strikes in quick succession, so glorious it took her breath away. No longer would she tremble in bed during a storm she promised herself, she would get her teddy and blankie and come here and watch this amazing light show.
I can't describe how she felt anymore than I have, there aren't words for it.
If you have ever done or experienced this you will know how it feels, but if not, you are missing out on something wonderful. The way that the light breaks through the darkness with such certainty and strength, its magnificence radiates for miles around. Making goose bumps creep over her skin, she sub-consciously shakes, feeling a smile creep onto her face she looks closer. Thanking the lord that she was here at this moment to experience this wonder.
CRACK!! The lightening strikes a large willow tree in the neighbours front yard, scaring her she pulls her legs in closer and squeezes her teddy tight, scared it might strike closer next time. She has never been more thankful than now that both her house and the house next door had very large front lawns. Thunder growled loudly over head, shaking the house on its foundations.
Knowing that she needed to clam down, she closed her eyes and slowed her breathing, she thought I am in charge of what happens to me and in my life and I say that lightning won't hurt me or my family, so will you kindly go back out into the bay, adding a small thank you as it cracked near the rocks on the other side of the bay.
Breathing a sigh of relief she lay back on a large cushion, she relaxed there for a while, silently falling asleep once the tiredness took over her little body, knowing this will be something that she would never forget.
Many people don't like storms saying they are 'just a nuisance' that 'they scare the children', 'they ruin my hair'. Well sometimes you just need to stop, take a step back and experience things, show others how wondrous nature is and it all its 'miracles of nature', like phosphorous glowing in the waves at night as they crash onto the shores, waterfalls that rainbows form through, fossils, rock formations, and other amazing creations. Just take a deeper look. Try again.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Crazy
The sun was beginning to set over the large concrete hill. Sunlight flooding through windows of cars whizzing by. Not that they noticed them, they were having too much fun just mucking around. Freezing cold Demon in one hand and the other over their foreheads, the girls wandered down the bumpy pathway. A few minutes after they set off they were beginning to feel the effects of their randomness, both hands completely numb, one from lack of circulation and the other because it had been completely chilled through. Switching the hands and with one girl dodging the yellow, 'FH', manholes, and the other trying to get her at every chance, laughing and the weirdest things, making up stories and other things that you can't even understand, but then again that is all the fun of it.
A short stop at one of their houses was all they needed for an extra pick up, plus they also got something that really helped with that job. Once they had figured out how to make them, which took awhile, which you would understand if you knew then, especially together, they were dumber than stiletto's on a farm. Creating the awesome Hannah Montanna 3D glasses, once figured out was relitively simple, Placing them firmly on their noses and pushing the arm of the glasses firmly behind their ears, they proceeded to strut their stuff down the street with their Dutch accents and moking postures they really looked the pair.
Skipping, jumping, laughing their heads off, moking everyone, it was the most fun those girls had had in ages, maybe even a day or so. Untill they really set it off,walking down the road 3D glasses on biggest smiles on their faces, mocking word on their lips, a car was slowly approaching when it was close enough to see the people inside, they lifted their hands up to salute and with their glasses and crazy manner they really looked the part. One of the drivers was so shocked by theor manner she looked about ready to call the people with the butterfly nets to come and take them away, but luckily for them there arn't that many mental assylums around these days.
These girls sound crazy right, but in reality........ they are worse.
These are actually real people.
Meaning they are Myself and my best friend Sarah.
Though some people had probably guessed that already.
A short stop at one of their houses was all they needed for an extra pick up, plus they also got something that really helped with that job. Once they had figured out how to make them, which took awhile, which you would understand if you knew then, especially together, they were dumber than stiletto's on a farm. Creating the awesome Hannah Montanna 3D glasses, once figured out was relitively simple, Placing them firmly on their noses and pushing the arm of the glasses firmly behind their ears, they proceeded to strut their stuff down the street with their Dutch accents and moking postures they really looked the pair.
Skipping, jumping, laughing their heads off, moking everyone, it was the most fun those girls had had in ages, maybe even a day or so. Untill they really set it off,walking down the road 3D glasses on biggest smiles on their faces, mocking word on their lips, a car was slowly approaching when it was close enough to see the people inside, they lifted their hands up to salute and with their glasses and crazy manner they really looked the part. One of the drivers was so shocked by theor manner she looked about ready to call the people with the butterfly nets to come and take them away, but luckily for them there arn't that many mental assylums around these days.
These girls sound crazy right, but in reality........ they are worse.
These are actually real people.
Meaning they are Myself and my best friend Sarah.
Though some people had probably guessed that already.
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