How Much Should You Really Tell Your Friends?

How Much Should You Really Tell Your Friends?

You could tell them things like:

You went to a party or family thing had loads of fun and got drunk.
That you are now single and ready to have fun.
That you won an eating contest between you and your friends.

But you wouldn't really want to tell them that:

After the party you vomited for ages and felt ill all day.
That your boyfriend or girlfriend dumped you and your heartbroken.
You went home and did a technicolour yawn all over your room when you couldn't make it to the bathroom in time.

Somethings, really don't need to be told.
Like say, what you did with your boyfriend/girlfriend on the weekend
What colour underwear your wearing
or
What you ate for lunch yesterday

These are just unnecessary, boring and gross.

Some things they just don't need to know and some.... you just shouldn't tell others, even your closest friends. Not just shouldn't, but things you just don't feel comfortable to say or do.
But keeping things locked up isn't the best either. Though pick carefully.

Old

Signs of Menopause:

1. You sell your home heating at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.

Old Is When:

1.Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go with them.
3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means finding your car in the parking lot.
5. An all nighter means not getting up to pee

Thoughts for the Weekend:

Wouldn't it be nice if we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start over.

Just remember, that if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labour!

Brain cells come, and Brain cells go, But fat cells live forever!

A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable,
And Always Close To Your Heart!

Games For When We Are Older

1. Sag, You're It
2. Hide and Go Pee
3. 20 Questions shouted into your good ear
4. Kick the Bucket
5. Rover, Red Rover the Nurse says bend over
6. Musical Recliners
7. Simon says something incoherent
8. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy

Ponderisms

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until,
I found out that most people die of natural causes.

Garden Rule:
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed
not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out easily it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously.
Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days
no one talks about UFO's like they used to?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forrest fire,
but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'

Who was the first person to say, 'See that Chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.'

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Why doesn't the glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

They Walk Among Us.....

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They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail:
I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge. I Gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor.She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the Money back .same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.

They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail:
I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalk board that said "buy one-get one free." "They're already buy-one-get-one-free," she said, "so I guess they're both free."She Handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.

They Walk Among Us!
One day I was walking down the beach with some Friends when one of them shouted,
"Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where?"

They Walk Among Us!
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real Estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff."

They Walk Among Us!!
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

They Walk Among Us!
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

They Walk Among Us!
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us!
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?"

They Walk Among Us!
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man Ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked Him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."

They Walk Among Us, and they Reproduce!!

Your Laugh For The Day

Sorry if this causes any offence, it is a little...dirty.

CHINESE PROVERBS
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Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
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Man who run in front of car get tyred.
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Man who run behind car get exhausted.
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Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
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Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
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Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
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Man with one chopstick go hungry.
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Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
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Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
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Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
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Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
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War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
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Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
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Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
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It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
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Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
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Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
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Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
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Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
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Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
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Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
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Captain Aussie

Two Arab terrorists are in a locker room taking a shower
after their bomb making class in Melbourne, when one notices
the other has a huge cork stuck in his arse.
If you do not mind me saying,' stated the second, 'that cork
looks very uncomfortable. Why don't you take it out?'

I regret I cannot', lamented the first Arab. 'It is permanently
stuck in my arse.

'I do not understand,' said the other.

The first Arab says, 'I was walking along Russell Street and I
tripped over an oil lamp.
There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge old man in an
Australian Flag attire with a white beard and Akubra hat
came boiling out. He said, 'I am Captain Aussie, the Genie.
I can grant you one wish.'

I said, 'No shit?'

God Bless Australia

Floods

Character Test

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one.
By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in
which you will have to make a decision.
Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.
Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.

THE SITUATION:
You are in New Zealand , Auckland to be specific.
There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding.
This is a flood of biblical proportions.
You are a photo-journalist working for a major newspaper, and you're
caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.
You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and
people swirling around you, some disappearing into the water.
Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.

THE TEST:

Suddenly, you see a woman in the water.
She is fighting for her life, trying not to be taken down with the debris.
You move closer... Somehow, the woman looks familiar...
You suddenly realise who it is... It's Helen Clark! You notice that
the raging waters are about to take her under forever.
You have two options:
You can save the life of Helen Clark or you can shoot a dramatic
Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of the country's most powerful woman!

THE QUESTION:

Here's the question, and please give an honest answer...

Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the
classic simplicity of black and white?

Thanks to Drew for that 1